Welcome to another week
It’s all too much, the year has just flown by!!! How quick? Much quicker than a John “Fruity” Nisbet thunderbolt, much much quicker than Norm “Guru” Duxson drives, much much much quicker than it takes for John “Be my” Guest to line up a putt and much, much, much, much quicker than it used to take Graham “Old Maaaaate” McNolty to get from one end to the bar to the other. Comparing it to all that the year probably didn’t go that quick after all.

That rain
When it rains like it did last weekend its keep you encouraged but I’m guessing the croppers amongst us would be feeling a little robbed and frustrated. I bet my old mate “Jack” Cameron would have enjoyed the sound whilst sitting on his back porch. Who in their right mind would have a tile roof on their house as it has to be one of the great sounds of all time!

Look out, it’s on
They’ve hailed it as being bigger than the ashes, bigger than the World Series and even bigger than the grand slam. Yes local men-about-town “Smacka” MacPherson and “Councillor Larry” Cameron are have a “fish off” in a five event series and whoever comes out with the most fish at the end is declared the winner. Guess what the prize is? You guessed it a slab of whatever the winner wants. It should make for riveting viewing and SLF will be all over it. Boys start your engines or should I say tug your lines!!!

Welcome to the MCG
It’s almost the most famous venue around and I’m not talking about the Marnoo version. I was lucky enough to attend Nick “Chief” Bush’s 40th last Friday in the MCG committee room. The joint is full of history even though it’s only a few years old and I now know they really do have the best seat around. I also had great pleasure in texting my member mates (I’m not a member) who don’t get anywhere near the committee and long rooms. Anyway a great day, all provide by the “Chief”.

Blast from the past
Some of you will remember Damian “Madman” McKee who played footy for Landsborough in the halcyon days of the LFC. McKee was at the MCG last week and I got talking to him about old times. He was actually mad back then and when I mentioned it he shook his head and said he’s embarrassed about acting in such a fashion. The Madman used to pay special attention to Marnoo coach “Jumpin” John Drum who once described him as a serial pest. Anyway he passes on his apology to all Marnoo supporters and players for acting like such a fool all those years ago.

All the best
I’m not sure whether this is the last newsletter before the Christmas break but if it is then I would like to wish you all the best for Christmas and New Years and hope that 2009 is great for everyone. I will be back in 2009 with this little feature and hopefully it will keep getting read. I am looking forward to making my predictions for 2009 early in the New Year.


George W, at home at the MCG!
I was watching the news the other night when I saw that Journo of Middle Eastern descent piff his two shoes at President George W. My first and most lasting thought of the event was that George W picked up the line and length very early and angled his head perfectly (both times) something that even Ricky P would be proud of.

Remember to say “end of message” it’s polite!!!!


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Not long now
It’s not long now until 2009, looking back, what an interesting year 2008 has been and I’m sure 2009 has plenty of surprises in order. I love all these predictions as to when the global crisis is going to end and things will get back on the rebound, it’s exactly like the weather, everyone has a view or opinion but most of the time it never really turns out that way.

Pete in back page quote
Leading local shearer, sheep breeder, cropper, home brewer, fisherman, Saturday night chef................the list goes on, Pete “Gun” Newall made a “Jack” quote on the back page of the Stock and Land last weekend. When asked by the reporter why he was selling some of his ewes, he said “because of the lack of water in dams, but I still have 1800 ewes at home to keep me amused”.

Jack quote for the week
Pete was making Jack quotes through the national media but the man himself John “Jack” Cameron was just sitting back on his back porch enjoying the company of only a few when his quote for the week came out. It all came about when the conversation got onto the MCG and the devastation the cockatoos were causing when a bright spark called John “Fruity” Nisbet asked why they were digging up our favourite piece of hollowed turf. Jack said “They’ve got nothing to do, just like us cockies” in reference to the lean harvest in the district.

Cricketers big win
The erratic MCC boys pulled off an unlikely win against top team Charlton at the MCG last Saturday. Supported by a couple of ex players in Andrew “Upstart” Nisbet and Dwain “Daryl” Duxson the Marnoo boys batted first and it was another “day recruit” that made the innings what it was, Brent “Huddo” Hudson who plays for Rup/Minyip blasted an unbeaten 111 not out to see the home side amass 208 in their 40 overs. It was then up to the youthful bowling side who didn’t disappoint with Robby “Ladies man” McAllistar being the pick of the bowlers.

Last week’s SLF
I can’t work out why the printing subscribers of the Marnoo news didn’t get last week’s SLF, I sent it through via email from my humble office last Monday morning but for some reason it didn’t arrive on the editor’s desk (or inbox). If the editor doesn’t print last week’s edition and you are keen to find out if you made headline then go to http://thesquarelegfiles.blogspot.com and see the November 30 edition.



A pub with no cheer
The cricketers enjoyed a BBQ after the game as all the Charlton guys and many more Marnoo supporters made up the crowd of over 40 odd and the meat supplied by Minyip Meats was absolutely superb. When the show wound up about 8:30 about 10 of the revellers were looking for a bit more and wondered down to the corner shop only to find it was closed. Phone calls and knocking didn’t do the trick so it was left to a select few to scale the district looking for some amber fluid to keep the throat lubricated. They managed to find some as the team ventured to the “Team Hotel” which is at 36 Newall Street for a couple more.

And the winner is.....................Webby
I know why publican Leigh “Blue Can” Foster wasn’t open last Saturday night, the reason, he was in deep shock. He was shocked at drawing Chris “Webby” Webb’s ticket out of the jackpot ticket draw. I’m told he won about $300 worth of pots which I’m sure will go to a good cause. The man himself was pretty happy with his win as well, as he and fellow “underarm roller” Norm “Guru” Duxson has a nice healthy glow up when they visited the cricket BBQ.

That will do for this week and don’t forget when you finish a conversation with someone finish it with “END OF MESSAGE” it's polite!!!!

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Here we go again
Another week flies by as we move into December and the start of all those Christmas parties. I suggest to the authorities that be, not to do a liver quality test on the wider community until about February as the results post December might lead to a banning of alcohol sales. These parties are just too much fun and people will use any excuse to have one and here is an example, I live in a street called Kathryn and have been invited to the Witt St street party some three streets away. Bizarre!

Be my Guest
Leading Marnoo West farmer John “Be my” Guest held a party of sorts over the weekend, now reports are scratchy as to what type of party it was but some high profile native were there. I’m told one bloke turned up and thought he must have had the wrong night, it wasn’t until he heard the sound of bongo drums coming from an area near the sheep yards that he new he was in the right place. More info may surface this week.

A good win
The MCC recorded its second win for the season beating Jeffcott at Jeffcott. A strong batting performance where most people got some runs was backed up by and equally strong bowling effort which combines raw youth with calculated experience. One such “experienced” bowler Ben “Glendemar” Duxson won’t forget the day having being hit for 6 three times in three balls. Next week Marnoo takes on Charlton at the MCG and the rumour is that a couple of former players are returning to have a game with the black and gold.

Upstart up for a play
Andrew “Upstart” Nisbet was in my neck of the woods over the weekend with the Rodwells Christmas. True to form Nisbet made a long weekend of it taking in the local attractions and a few rounds of golf to boot. I actually caught up with him at Burkes hotel on Saturday afternoon where himself and a few likely lads looked as though they were nestling in for the day.

Bowls becomes addictive
The Yarrawonga Mulwala cricket club held it social bowls day last Sunday and I am safe to say that there is a life after cricket. All that participated in the pairs tournament had an absolute ball and I can now see why bowls become addictive to some. Just take away a few of the old fuddy duddies and bowls would attractive a much younger audience.

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Another week gone
I must apologise for last week as I missed the deadline, I was in Orange for a conference and I couldn’t email out so I put it on the web and got someone to alert the editor of this wonderful publication. But it was all to late and in this game it’s all about deadlines. But old news isn’t bad news so this week we have a double whammy of the SLF. So sit back relax and enjoy.

33 bags by all reports
The carrier pigeon has arrived here in Yarrawonga with the news that Brain “Farmer” Healy’s crop near Marlene’s has gone a reported 33 bags to the acre in the old. I am just waiting for the next available pigeon to bring the results of what quality the grain was.

Agent on the move
Leading Landmark agent and former native Geoff McDougall has taken on the high profile role as livestock manager at Hay. McDougall has recieved rave reviews from grazier types in the district up there, so the Hay role will fit like a glove. I’m also told that his lovely wife Kylie didn’t think much of the golf course at Hillston.

Another agent changes colour of shirt
Reports hot off the press that staunch and loyal Elders Stawell agent Damien Harrington is about to trade his pink shirt in for a blue one. I’m told that the aggressive Rodwell’s has recruited the seasoned performer in a decision that will have the pink team fuming. Rodwell’s recruited no more than four high profile Elders Horsham agents only a couple of months ago.

Fish are biting
Leading “men about town” Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron and Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson have started a Sunday ritual of fishing at the Marnoo reservoir. Last weekend they managed to catch on medium sized redfin and that would have been washed down with “several” red cans!!!

Probably had to be there
One of Rueben “Rostran” Cheesman’s loyal employees hales from Denmark of somewhere over there and he was driving the tractor the other day when the dash started flashing “communication problem”, he stopped immediately and went and found Rueben and said “the twactor is telling me I have communication problem, I thought only my wife said that not the flaming twactor”




Cricketer fall short
The cricketers fell short after an improved effort against Wycheproof last weekend but the year is slipping away from the MCC and is turning in to what Smacka described as a rebuilding year.


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Harvest now underway
Its official this year’s harvest is underway and the anticipation is building as to who is going to get this year’s best crop. It’s a competition between the no till and the conventional guys and the stakes are getting higher. Who will come out on top? Will it be Brian “Farmer” Healy’s barley crop, will it be one of “Jumping” John Newall’s beauties or maybe you might have to go South for a Reading or one of Guru’s crops and maybe even the Jack’s, Carter or Cameron. All will be revealed.

Cricketers back to earth with a thud
What is going on? With such a great win the week before the cricketers had a day off when they went down to St Mary’s at Warracknabeal’s Anzac Park. I guess that’s cricket but the MCC boys will be now very keen to string a couple of games together to get back in the finals race.

Training all the rage
I attended cricket training the other night just to see what goes on and I came away thinking boy do they do that well. The actual training (the entree) went pretty well with bowlers and batsmen alike putting in the hard yards. It’s after that where it all happens (main course) as they venture down to the pub where they serve up a tasty bbq which is washed down by some of Leigh “Blue Can” Foster’s finest drop. I recon they had 20 there last week.

Food crisis in Africa
You hear stuff in the news about the pending and current food crisis especially in Africa and you don’t really take any notice until it hits you first hand. Well it hit me the other night when Norm “Guru” Duxson walked in the door of the corner shop, you see the Guru and his lovely wife “Guru Margie” have been in Africa and boy has the Guru dropped some kg’s. That jacket he reckoned had shrunk many months ago would well and truly cover the beast at the moment.

I never forget what I remember
I have a saying, “I never forget what I remember” and I guess it something that would ring true with everyone but for the life of me I can’t remember the full story Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson told me but it was something about a visiting Danish bloke, a tractor and his wife. Well it was a very good story at the time.

Young Nisbet disputes the call
Andrew “Upstart” Nisbet sent me an email last week disputing the call of him winning the belt at the Ged “Father” Ryan day at the MCG the weekend last. It went like this, “who decided it was I that should receive "the belt" last weekend???? I will admit that i was fairly loaded and can't remember to much but surely i must have had some blokes who weren't to far behind me..... My reply was, “I’m just relaying what people where telling me and besides you have won it before, so you have to treat it as an honour, it’s a prestigious award that many good people have won” He came back with “ oh well I will take it as a compliment then”

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A week closer to harvest
The year has flown by and it won’t be long before its harvest time in the district. I’m sure most will be getting fairly anxious with a little bit of rain around and it wouldn’t surprise me if a couple of the “more impatient” native farmers haven’t tried already. Anyway watch this space for all the harvest action.

Harvest Photos
If you have a good harvest photo then simply email them to my sidekick Dwain “Daryl” Duxson @ dwain.duxson@ausfarmonline.com.au . We should be able to put the funny ones on the blog.

Oh Magoo you’ve done it again.....
Legendary Marnoo veteran cricketer Derek “The Mayor” Cameron wasn’t happy with only one century for the year so he decided to do something about it, he followed it up with another one. On what was known as “Ged Ryan day” (the day was to commemorate the late Ged Ryan’s contribution to the MCC) the Mayor ordered brother and captain Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron that he be promoted to number 4 in the batting order. What was to follow was a brilliant execution of class batting in a pressure cooker situation and also in front of a 60 or 70 strong appreciative crowd. His knock was a mixture of some well judged leaves outside off stump, plenty of running on the not-as-quick-as-usual MCG and some towering sixes that reminded the Rich Avon opposition of day gone by.

Marnoo wins for Ged
With the Mayors brilliant knock the Marnoo team was able to snatch a well earned victory over top team a neighbourly rivals Rich Avon Services. It was bittersweet for the Marnoo team as they managed to field a full team and can now safely say that if they field a quality team week in week out the will be a strong chance to make the finals, despite the slow start. The win was dedicated to former gun keeper/batsman Ged “Father” Ryan.

Nisbet tells it how it is
Returned cricketing soldier John “Fruity” Nisbet was in his element back at the MCG against the team he loved to hate Rich Avon Services. He spoke after the match about his great partnership with Marnoo’s greatest ever keeper and he also spoke about his and Marnoo’s healthy but-at-times heated relationship with Rich Avon over the many years. However the big fella must be mellowing as he sung the praise of the Rich Avon outfit for the way they conducted themselves over the years. I’m just glad Ged wasn’t in earshot as he would have “given it” to Fruity for being so nice.

Young Nisbet takes the belt
Joy, you probably don’t want to hear this but young Andrew took the belt at the MCG on Saturday. He and his mates turned up in force and gave the players plenty of lip from the sidelines. Another young upstart who was in good “touch” was former native Hayden “Howard” McLennan, to the amazement of formers teammates Howard turned up on time and at the right venue. This is something he used to struggle with in his playing days.

Locals make presence felt at the cup
The Melbourne Cup is the place to be seen in the spring time and spotted at the event where current and former locals. Armand “Herbie” Duxson and his sidekick Marcia along with Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron and Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson where the most notable locals to attend. If you want to see some photos from the event go to www.ausfarmonline.com.au and click on the “Ads by Ausfarm” that mentions the word Flemington. When you log on you will get an idea of what sort of time these guys and others had.

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Cup week
Cup week is always an exciting time and this year will be no exception. I am heading down for my 15th cup in a row. I always write a little report each year just in case one to the big sports paper rings up asking for my view on things. But to this point the phone hasn’t rung yet. Ah well I will just have to relay what happened to you guys. I will talk about that next week.

Mayor in form
Legendary Marnoo cricketer Derek “Mayor” Cameron scored another ton for Marnoo on the weekend. The Mayor has scored many a century for Marnoo but it has been a while between drink probably about 10 years in fact according to my statistics man John “Noisy” Nisbet. Also amongst the runs on the weekend was former native Dwain “Daryl” Duxson who belted 133 for Yarrawonga/Mulwala in the Wangaratta competition.

Cricketers return home eventually
They say it’s a long day in the field but for a couple of Marnoo cricketers it was certainly a long night as well. Likely types Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron and Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson actually didn’t get home form cricket until late Sunday morning. They entertained the masses in Birchip and ended up staying the night.

Smacka column a must read
Cricket Club President Smacka MacPherson has taken responsibility for the cricket report each week and I believe it’s a “must read”. I sure you will get a laugh each week as Smacka dissects the Saturday afternoon and Saturday evening happenings. I think he is having a week off this week but he tells me he will be back in full flight next week.

Just be careful what you say
You always have to be careful what you say because you never know who might be listening. This did ring true for Landmark St Arnaud manager Damian “The Major” Drum when he attended a Goondiwindi Cup meeting many years ago. You see the Major backed this horse in Brisbane and it wasn’t going very well so the Major (watching it on the screen) decided to give the jockey a spray for what he thought was an incompetent ride. Well had he realised that this jockey’s wife and daughter were standing in front of him he probably wouldn’t have opend his mouth. They got very irate at the Major and started calling him names like “fat gutted arm chair jockey” and others which I can’t repeat. Major has about 6 mates with him who did the bolt when they saw this irate woman about to explode. That’s why I say you have to be careful what you say.



There is nothing better
I was talking to Smacka the other day and he said he had 80 points of rain last Sunday night in a storm, he said (and I agree) that one of the pleasures in life is sitting on the veranda of your house and watching a lightning storm that belts 80 points of rain down, right when you really need it. Oh yes I nearly forgot you also need a stubby in hand.

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Another week
It’s been a hectic couple of weeks for this struggling little reporter having being diverted away from my main role in life – writing this column. So I do apologise for missing last week, I know its slack as it only takes about an hour to write and if you can’t find an hour a week there is something dramatically wrong. Anyway back into it........

Big show
I had the privilege of attending Paula Duxson’s 40th birthday on Saturday night and boy was that an event to be seen at. A few natives made the journey in what was an unforgettable night (unless you drank too much). Undoubtedly the highlight of the night was the pole dancing (moment of madness) episode by Pistols Tavern proprietor Glen “Wally” Brear. A study of the actual pole on Sunday made the gig even more impressive because Wally isn’t what you would call “small” and the supports would have been stretched. I might even be able to print photos next week.

In the rush to the bar
Cock sparrow Andrew “Upstart” Nisbet made a wrong decision the other day in his “usual” rush to the bar. He was attending his Grandmother’s funeral in Yarram when he decided to disperse of his newly acquired suit jacket. So on his way to the bar piffed the jacket through the window of John and Joys blue Magna. That was fine, the night went to plan but when young Nisbet got up in the morning and asked Joy before they left could she get his jacket out of the back seat of the car. Joy said “but Andrew we didn’t take our car to the funeral”. Oh f@#*who’s car did I throw my new jacket in. Soon Fruity arrives back from the golf club, Upstart relayed the story and Fruity said he spotted a Magna like theirs out at the golf club. So Young Nisbet jumped in his car and went out for a look and sure enough here was the blue Magna still with its windows down and yes the jacket was present. End of message

Cricketers off to a slow start
The MCC boys are off to a bit of a slow start having lost the first two games but hopefully a turnaround is not too far away. Ably led by Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron and his combination of age and youth, I’m sure they will get going soon.

Guru’s arrives home
Local Gurus, Norm “Guru” Duxson and his lovely wife “Guru Margie” arrived back in the country from their sojourn to Africa. I am looking forward to a rundown on how the trip went. Local funny man Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson is adamant Guru was heading to his native country and would be swinging from the trees with his cousins.

Did they swill on the hill?
I’m not sure how the swill-on-the-hill went as my spies have been a bit slack lately. I only want to know if anyone swilled once too often!!

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Welcome again
Hello all and welcome to another week of the SLF, this weeks will be short and sweet because I have to catch a plane to WA, so here we go......

And the winner is...........Marnoo
Marnoo has taken out the Victorian Tidy Towns Zero Waste Award for 2008. Details are sketchy at the time of writing but I am told it’s a highly rated award and one “Chips” Fearon is a very happy chappie. I’m told his contribution to this award has been huge and we congratulated him on a wonderful effort.

Sale week a winner
It was a chance for the local ram breeders to line their pockets with some much needed funds and they duly did just that, the sales this year were well supported with some very big results recorded considering the less than favourable seasonal conditions in most areas. The Navy Blues Supporter group maintained there squeaky clean image with another top catering performance, so well done to all involved there.

Next stop Mt Bolangum
The next show for the active Navy Blues supporter group is the “Swill on the hill” atop our favourite mountain Mt Bolangum, this event wasn’t heavily patronised last year so the group is looking to increase the numbers and they can assure that everyone will have a great day.

Herbie leads the way
Armand “Herbie” Duxson let a team of consumers through the Marnoo pub last Saturday night on the way home from a bucks show at Murtoa races. Details are sketchy but they provided plenty of entertainment for local publican Leigh “Blue Can” Foster, you can sort of imagine what sort of entertainment I am talking about!!!

Smacka still alive
I had a facebook message from Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson who is riding a push bike around Cambodia, he tells me his bottom is like a “worn out old catcher’s mitt”. He says he is having lots of fun with cheap booze and he has even taken to the local cuisine having had fried tarantula!!!!

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Here we go again
Welcome to another week of the Ausfarm Online SLF, if you haven’t ventured online to look at what Ausfarm Online has to offer then do so, I am tipping this type of business model will be the model of the future for 2 main reasons. 1) Its low cost. 2) It can reach a nationwide audience. Anyway enough about that, let’s get on with the real stuff.

Corporate Cup
Well what and event, this event just keeps getting better and better and do you want to know why it works, because it’s unique. With that in mind I want to make a point or two (take it or leave it) to the people in charge of the event. My suggestions are: 1) don’t worry about all the individual trophy’s, that happens at every other golf day. 2) Have a trophy for the winning team that they get to keep for the year, like a premiership cup and celebrate it in some way. 3) Keep all of the action on that decking, that was fantastic and worked really well (especially the heaters). 4) Keep thinking of new ideas that make the event unique, remember what people are going to remember the event for, if it’s the same as every other golf day then it is going to get boring and loose it uniqueness. 5) Because it’s the major fund raiser promote it as such, promote it as though people are missing out if they don’t attend.

Corporate Cup results
The team that won this year event was Barham Insurance, they are a company who not only know how to sell insurance but they also went out of their way to pick a top team, all with the aim of winning. All I can say is well done, smart work.

Unique bush tucker
Talking about unique, the lunch time meal and dinner time finger food was once again fantastic and a credit to the ladies once again. It was interesting to note that when I was travelling in the car from Yarra one of the blokes said “can we pull up here I’m hungry, oh no I remember last year we go this big roast for lunch, let save up for that”

Eighteen teams
I think it was 18 teams that graced the Royal turf over the weekend and many travelled a long way. It was a little disappointing that one local team pulled out at the last minute and at this particular business most locals spend plenty of money. It’s not that I want to bag this particular company it’s just I (and others) thought they could have made a greater effort.

Councillor Cameron wows the crowd
Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron’s reputation is building as an entertainer and he didn’t do his cause any harm on Saturday night when Mr President Graeme “Grey skies above” Ellen announced that Larry had turned 40 on the weekend. Not one to pass up an opportunity Councillor Larry did a little Irish jig to the applause of the gallery, he then bowed and dropped his “Terry Towling” hat to the ground and the crowd started throwing coins. It was a “had-to-be-there” moment but let me tell you it was gold.

The fangs, the fangs
Former milk bar proprietor John “Noisy” Nisbet had a big day out as you would expect but it was nearly cut short on the second hole of the day. The big fella came face to face with an aggressive brown snake which would have taken 10 years of his life. I caught up with him at the next hole and he was still in a state of shock “The fangs, the fangs, he stood up and had his fangs flashing” he said in an animated tone. One of his team members managed to run over the snake and they left him in the middle of the fairway and if Noisy lost 10 years then I lost 15 after I also nearly stepped on the reptile.

Start your engine
Former Mayor Derek “Mayor” Cameron had a great day out and was probably in the running for the belt. He was a little bit wobbly on his feet when his lovely wife Donna came to the rescue and took him home. He managed to get himself to bed and put his sleeping mask on (an aid that helps him sleep better) but failed to start the machine. But it didn’t seem to matter though as he had no trouble sleeping that night.


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Welcome again
Another week passes us by and I even heard someone talk about planning for Christmas, surely not yet but I guess it’s not that far away.

Out and about
I was out and about in Melbourne on grand final eve and the whole joint was buzzing. I managed to catch up with a few current and former natives and the highlight of the trip came from a particular Landmark agent who well and truly over catered.

Over and out
Local comedian Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson has officially given notice to the press that he will not be taking part in this round of Farmer Wants a Wife. It’s disappointing for all of us who were looking forward to seeing his famous dial become even more famous. I’m told not all is lost though, he has front running for the next round of episodes and lately I have seen him with two separate women!!!

Bring back memories
The back of the Herald Sun on Tuesday featured miserly Geelong defender Matthew Scarlett with his new Kevin Bartlett haircut. Boy does that bring back great memories for this middle aged Tiger, the great man would have to be arguably the Tigers greatest even.

Big big day
The much awaited Corporate Cup is this Saturday and boy am I looking forward to this event. I have a crew of desperates from Yarrawonga making the trip and if it goes anything like last year it will be huge. Last year the trip home was adventurous as we stopped at no less than 9 pubs with Logan taking the cake as the most intriguing according to my Yarrawonga mates.

A young member
Member for Marnoo Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron is turning 40 this weekend, I’m told there is a bit of an informal do on Saturday night that has the potential to spill well into Sunday. Watch this space.

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Welcome again
Another week is upon us and what an interesting week it has been. I managed to get back “home” last weekend and caught up with some of the districts characters and more importantly some of the stories. Here we go.

Party pooper
I have to say that my heart hadn’t beat like that since Brett Lee and Kaspa nearly made those runs in England 3 years ago. I’m talking about the Brownlow when my old mate Richo nearly stole the show. With all due respects to the winner I recon the joint would have erupted if Richo snatched the 3 votes on the last game of the year (and for the record I thought he was in the votes, but I’m bias). It’s funny, he has gone from the most maligned players to one of the most popular and boy those umpies didn’t know the script had been written, all they had to do was finish it.

No till in the till
Eddie everywhere Rueben “Rostron” Cheesman was at another No till junket with his partners in crime, Brain “Farmer” Healy and Stewart “Farmer want a wife” MacPherson. Cheesman has coined the phrase “no till in the till”, it must be in the genes as old man Arthur is good for a statement or two.

Winebar on fire
Marnoo West celebrity Nigel “Winebar” Slee had an “it can only happen to me” moment in the Grampians a couple of weekends ago. You see the responsible drinker thought he would take himself off to bed and thought in order to stay warm he would sleep close to the fire. Well he was amazed to wake and see his swag alight and had to move faster that a Richo lead to avoid being burnt. The official report says he sustained “burns to .3% of his body” or part of his little toe!

The latest
Apparently some enterprising native has sent Smacka’s application form in for “farmer wants a wife” and guess what the authorities have been in touch. Could it be that we are all glued to our 50 months interest free widescreen early next year watching one of our very own? Could this be how it goes when the two girls arrive at Glenorchy. “Hello girls welcome to Glenorchy, thirsty are we girls, well I just thought for the first night we might go to Blue Can’s”. Anyway if it all comes off we will have some fun because I know one thing’s for sure “Smacka” will play his part like no other.

Yes it went in the “Corepark” Tony
First time golfer and Traynors Lagoon celebrity John “Landmark” Mathews had the gallery ducking for cover last Sunday when his first drive hit the barrier and ended up back in the Royal car park (or as Tony Grieg says “Corepark”). I’m told though that he redeemed himself quickly and is now considering a career once the boys have finished junior footy.

Rudd a dud according to most
This little column doesn’t get very political but I thought I would chuck this one in. I get around a bit and being an investigative journalist I keep my ear to the ground, I am hearing more and more that the average punter thinks our Prime Minister is all talk and no action. Could he be the worst PM since John “Jack” Cameron’s mate Paul “Clocks” Keating took office? I’ll leave that one for you to decide – at the next election.

Check out this site
My Yarra mate Dwain “Daryl” Duxson has just launched a new website that markets and sells products for farmers for a very low cost, he tells me it’s the way of the future but I was more interested in the character that features on the website. Go to www.ausfarmonline.com.au and check out who it resembles! Also he asked me to tell you to register whilst you are there.

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Welcome again
Another week just passes us by and it seems like only yesterday that I wrote last week’s column. I have made a decision I’m going to be like Fawlty when he said to Manual “Don’t mention the war”, well I am not going to talk about the weather, “Don’t mention the weather” will be my slogan.

Bulldogs have bark
I can hear him and he is not within 300km of me, yes I’m talking about former fruit shop proprietor John “Fruity” Nisbet who is back in full voice after declaring last week the start of the new cricket season. Could they cause an upset and go straight into the grand final? Funnier things have happened.

Minyip Meats Corporate Cup
The Minyip Meats cooperate cup is nearly upon us and the powers to be are calling for deposits for this year’s event. This struggling part time reporter who was born and bred in the Kanya hills (like the late great RE Hendy) has entered a team. I’ve had to extent myself and with the credit crunch it hasn’t been easy but I’m just that excited about the event. Look forward to seeing you all there and make sure you bombard me with funny tales.

Age old tradition
I see on the Minyip Meats logo where they have been operating since 1897. Now that’s a long time in anyone’s language. I’m sure John “Hoye” Drum and his brood will keep the joint open for another 100 years.

Cricket season is not far away
I’m told the MCC had their AGM on Sunday and are looking to kick off season 2008/2009 with a bang. Marnoo will again be looking to its youngsters to keep on improving and take them to a finals berth.

AR Loats
I was on Facebook the other day chatting with Andrew “Upstart” Nisbet and he was barking about the Dogs after their victory. The mode of the conversation changed and we got onto Ross Loats stories, now for those who don’t know AR Loats, he is a middle aged (late 50’s I’m guessing) bachelor man who lives at Laen with his mother, breeds prized cocks, mows lawns for a living and still plays cricket in Donald. Now you have to know him to understand what I am on about. Here is a story: Whilst at Bendigo Country week Dwain “Daryl” Duxson used to turn his electric blanket on 3 in the middle of the night and Loats would wake up and say “you little prick Duxson, have some bloody brains you little chump”. Now Bendigo is a hot place in January and Loats didn’t appreciate sweating during the day as well as the night time. This tradition was handed down to Hayden “Howard” McLennan and then onto “Upstart” Nisbet, I’m not sure who does it now or if Loats still goes to country week.

Other Loats stories
I was going to tell some other AR Loats stories but they are really you-had-to-be-there stories. I’m sure some of the cricketers would be giggling away because the Marnoo boys gave him buggery. Oh yes for the record – he isn’t dead yet.

Freddie and Fannie
Only in America would they call a leading lending institution Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae. We could go one better by changing the name of the ANZ to Stewie Mac and the Commonwealth to Barbra May, what about this one, Rabobank to Danny Dougo!!!

It’s time to go, end of message

Welcome again
It’s time again, so welcome to this week’s edition of the SLF. The footy finals are here and spring is in the air, some top up rain would be nice as it doesn’t take long to dry out these days.

Bulldogs lack bark
Speaking of footy, my old mate and committed Bulldogs supporter John “Fruity” Nisbet went and watched his beloveds on Friday night and walked away saying it was officially now cricket season.

Lucky he’s alive
I know enough about the Stawell footy club to say that if my old mate Tony “The Beckster” Beck was in his grave he would be rolling around like a big croc with Jen Hawkins as lunch after Stawell’s dismal performance on the weekend. I was only told this but apparently they should have beaten Horsham the week before and now they are out of the race. That’s the way it goes but I suggest it wouldn’t have happened in The Beckster’s day.

Back in uniform
Whilst number one son Rueben “Rostron” Cheesman steals the limelight, old man Arthur has been in recovery mode after they diverted a few inner body channels. Apparently now he is back and ready to resume where he left off.

Eddie everywhere
Apparently Rueben was in top form at the No Till conference near Horsham last week after his new found fame of appearing in every rural newspaper that the country. I’m told though and on good authority that when the reporter came to interview the influential Rostron grain grower he had had a huge night the night before and wasn’t very well. That’s why the story didn’t make any sense!!!!!

Kangaroo’s bad
These No Till conferences can take alot of time out of the week, another such get together resulted in Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson, Rueben and Armand “Herbie” Duxson attending a day in Hamilton. Well you can guess how that turned out, yes it was a very slow trip home, amplified by the Kangaroos jumping across the road on the Halls Gap/Dunkeld Rd. I’m told driver MacPherson nearly wore out a set of brake pads stopping for all the Kangaroos and for every third Kangaroo stop they had at least one other stop for young Rueben who was crook. Must have been something he ate!!!

On Auto steer
Auto steer is common now in this part of the world (Up Yarra way) and is getting more popular in the Marnoo district. So much so that it has been attached to Herbies ute. Apparently he can drive to Bendigo without touching the steering wheel and opening his eyes!!!

Councillor Larry
Leading district organiser and current Mayor Gary “Councillor Larry” Cameron has been very quiet this week. Now I haven’t been pestering him but his threat of several huge stories hasn’t eventuated. I guess that’s politics.

Wery wery good Mr MacPerson
John “Jack” Cameron’s mate N. O. Mule Sing the Indian tele marketer and part time non mulesing activist has been trying to woo Glenorchy legend Smacka to change phone companies. Apparently Mr Sing said to Smacka “Mr MacPerson you are paying way too much for your current phone services”, Smacka said “Nu mate I’m pretty happy, I don’t mind paying a little extra and I can’t be bothered with the paperwork”. Sing “But Mr MacPerson we can help you”, Smacka “I’ll tell yu what mate if it doesn’t rain by October give me a call and I will do business”, Sing “What are you talking about Mr MacPerson, I do not understand”, Smacka, “Mate you have internet on in India, just keep and eye on the Victorian radar and if you see there has been no rain in Glenorchy, then give me a call”. Clunk

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Welcome again
I just so happened to make it back to the village over the weekend and it was great that it actually rained. It was so nice and so timely. It won’t take long to soak in and then we will be looking for the next rain event. Let’s hope it’s very soon.

Farmer in form
I had a little bit of a “sit in” on Saturday in the corner shop with leading Farmer Brian “Farmer” Healy, who incidentally now has land to the North, South, East and West of Marnoo. He tells me that the country to the North is the area that’s struggling. He defiantly can’t say the same out East as his barley down Dawes Bridge Road (next to Mr & Mrs Hines) is a beauty.

Can’t fool Old Blue Can
Whilst attending the Saturday afternoon sit in with the Farmer I learnt one thing, our friendly barman is switched on when it comes to identify coins. You see the farmer never intended to “sit in” (like myself) but it started raining and he got excited. He only bought $10 with him but had a heap of change in his ute and kept going back and digging deeper each time. So much so that he fronted up to a shout with a couple of washers instead of dollar coins. It didn’t get past “Bluey” though.

Rueben on centre stage
Fresh from his entertaining WA trip Rostron Guru Rueben “Rostron” Cheesman has taken the limelight in the rural papers with his new GM canola out there beyond the Kanya hills (My old place of residence). I and others believe he is turning himself into another Andrew Weideman. Agri politics beckons!!!!

Councillor Larry’s
I was told by a wise owl over the weekend to name current Mayor Gary “Larry” Cameron “Councillor Larry”. Why you ask? Well in that famous family we have “The Mayor” and “The Senator” so it just has a good feel to it, so Councillor Larry it is.

Councillor Larry promises plenty but delivers nothing
Now don’t jump to conclusions, he is doing a great job in his new post as Mayor, I’m talking more about what he gave this little black duck earlier last week. You see he rang from Adelaide asking if I had enough room in this little column for all the stories he was going to pass on. Naturally I said yes plenty of room, I just keep writing, there is now end to this column. He said “right then I will tell all when I see you Friday night in the pub”, fast forward to Friday night and I saddle up beside The Councillor and ask him (with pen ready) what he had that was going to fill this column. Well it was more like Councillor Shultz than Councillor Cameron, I got the “I know notzing”. I think when he rang he was in a much more excited state (no not South Australia) and after giving it some thought over a couple of days he decided against it. I would like to know what took his fancy in Adelaide?

Fair weather golfers
Famous golfing duo Rod “3/8” Reading and his sidekick Christopher “Entanglement” Webb took golf watching to a new level at the Royal last weekend. They abandon their match due to the wet conditions but decided to go around with Ben “Glendemar” Duxson and Anthony “Hank” Erwin who were playing their compulsory knockout in the rain. So they diligently packed the esky, jumped in the ute and listened to the footy whilst watching the golf. Now that’s a great day out in my book.



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Welcome to another week
Yes another week has passed us by as winter draws to a close. Some rain would be nice, I took a trip from Yarra to Wagga, Young, Cowra, Wellington, Forbes, West Wyalong, Narrandera and back to Yarra. What I saw everywhere were fantastic crops that are very desperate for a drink and will need rain in the next 2 weeks. Pastures in most places are very low.

Royal in prime condition
The Wimmera’s best sand scrape course was in peak condition for the annual Studall Cup last Sunday. I’m told that perennial veteran performer Janice “Boof’s mother” Hendy and Graeme “Grey skies above” Ellen took the spoils home. I’m also told that Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson was also at the peak of his powers.

RIP Tigers
Once again my Tigers finished 9th, which is much higher than most expected this season, but I would have to say we are looking much better that we have personal wise since the early 80’s. 28 bloody years since the great KB Bartlett held his arms aloft after slotting through one of seven when we beat the Magpies in 1980. I’m an optimist, so bring on next year.

Yarra in the finals, just
My team Yarra have struggled a bit in the last half of the year and finished the year in 4th place, they are about an even money chance to get through the elimination final this week. They have had a season that hasn’t lived up to expectations with 5 ex AFL in the team.

That’s about all for this week

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Welcome to another week
Hello and welcome to another week of the SLF. I was back in the village last week and boy do things look good, but as we know the spring is the business end of the season and that’s what will make or break us.

She isn’t over until the fat lady sings
Man of wisdom and SLF favourite John “Jack” Cameron is a realist, so much so that he has reminded me once again “that this dry period isn’t over until all the rivers, creeks (Muddy especially) and dams are full and really when you think about it he’s exactly right. We may be basking in the glory of rich green paddocks of crop or pasture but in a normal Marnoo season the paddocks are wet and you usually can’t driver around. Bring on the big spring rains.

You always see someone you know....
It doesn’t matter where you go you always seem to come across someone you know and sometimes you may come across someone in an uncompromising position. Well this little black duck was travelling down Kings Way the other day at peak hour when he spotted a familiar person with a longish pony tail, he was armed with funny looking container and a funnel leading into his fuel tank. Yes this poor unfortunate had run out of petrol in his car on one of the busiest streets in Melbourne in peak hour. I would have pulled over to help him but I had no way of turning around, so I gave him a call and he said that his Ford Falcon was saying 40km to go before empty. Can you guess who it was? Yes your right, John “Be My” Guest.

Kenny comes to town
I’m told on good authority that we have our very own “Kenny” in town, you know the portable toilet bloke. Apparently the Navy Blues Supporters group, is investigating buying some mobile dunny’s and Marnoo West hop-along-cassidy Mark “Pest” Raggatt is in charge of the deal, apparently the process has taken all the twists and turns of the real movie itself!!!

Malcolm Fraser
We have our own Kenny and we also have our own Malcolm Fraser, apparently one of our leading identities has been dropping his pants in the pub. Don’t worry though it was all above board (only males in attendance and the main prize was well and truly covered), this person was only showing the difference between his good and bad leg (not his middle one).

Marnoo wins Premiership
Marnoo has clinched the pool premiership and my guest reporter Gary “Larry” Cameron takes up the story. (Readers please be warned that this story was done late at night in the Marnoo Hotel). This is Larry’s report:
It’s with great pleasure to report that Marnoo has won another premiership albeit “pool” but its Marnoo and well worth printing. We were well lead by our sometime sleepy publican Leigh “Give me a sugar fix” Foster. We travelled to Minyip and played the Donald upstarts “Rebels” and were looking down the barrel being 3 down after 3 games but we rebounded and won the next 5 games straight to clinch the victory. A big thanks to the Marnoo team represented by Leigh, Herbie, Muzza, Perky, Andrew, Larry, Robbie Mac, Rachel and Farmer. Leigh won the player of the year.

Trip to WA
I was talking to NewAg CEO Andrew “Clown” Newall and he confirmed all the shenanigans that went on, he also confirmed that Brain “Farmer” Healy took out the prize for the week. He is also concerned that they probably learnt more in the local pubs they visited along the way but somehow forgot it all by the next morning.

What’s going on
Man about town and SLF favourite Bruce “Fevola” Hendy made it back from Darwin in one piece, but it’s not Darwin but another state capital he is most interested in lately. That’s about all I know at this stage, but stay tuned for more.

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Last week
Sorry about last week but time just ran out and I was away at Sheepvention supplementing my paltry journalistic wage. One thing is when you go to Sheepvention you catch up with a few cougars that you haven’t seen for ages, so that was fun. Anyway I have been away from the front line for a while now, so I am not really up with it but we will see how we go.

Boof doing fine in the tropics
Whilst at Sheepvention I caught up at length with my old Footballing mate Paul “Tall Paul from Stawell” Hendy who was keeping me up to date with the ins and outs of Bruce “Boofheads” Hendy’s trip to the Darwin Cup. When I say ins and outs I don’t mean that literally but I’m told that the reports that are coming back via the pigeon are that he’s having a great time and adapting well to the Darwin culture.

Early season footy trip
Word has just come across my desk that some, in the group of No Tillers, who were ably let by group captain Andrew “Clown” Newall (Newag) treated the 6 day junket in WA like a footy trip. Top of the culprit list was none other than Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson, his side kick Rueben “Rostron” Cheesman and leading No Tiller himself, Brian “Farmer” Healy (apologies to anyone I missed out). I’m told that Farmer won the prize for the week.

That’s why we drink....
To all those consumers out there here is a story that will warm the cockles of your heart or should I say, cool you body after a hot and sweaty day in the paddock. Whilst in WA on the No Till tour they visited a farm where the bloke had worked out that he needed to cut the straw to some specific level in order to work out how much stubble he needed to save and how much he needed to mulch. Very scientific and mathematical, so one of the crew asked how he works it out and his reply was “I just cut it off a beer can height”. Farmer Healy got a good giggle out of that and replied to the crowd “that’s why we drink”.

Tricky in WA
The lads found out the hard way that a pot over there is a pint and they seemed to make the mistake every time they walked into the bar. I’m told it fast tracked the inevitable result!!

I bit less of Wally
I caught up with part time Marnoo resident Wally “Goodooga” O’Connor last week and the big fella looks dangerously fit after shedding 20 kg lately. He tells me he is aiming to lose a bit more still.

Wino warming his seat
Marnoo’s new prized recruit and leading Machinery salesman Nigel “Winebar” Slee is warming his seat at the local establishment for when he moves in later next month. But you don’t have to worry about Wino because he’s very responsible when it comes to alcohol and knows when to stop. Credit must go to Juuuuune and Noel for bringing him up in such a fashion.

To use a Don “Fergy” Murphy statement, “end of message”.

What’s news?
“What’s news”? It’s a great opening line for a conversation along with “what’s you been up too” and “bloody cold isn’t it”. I don’t really know where I’m heading here but I think we should get on with it.

My team
I’m not going to upset too many natives when I brag about the Tigers win against the Lions, however it’s a bit different to last week when we managed to beat the Bombers. I didn’t mention it for one reason alone, half of the Marnoo natives actually barrack for Essendon and I know they would relinquish their subscription to this publication if I waffled on about it. Being my only source of income I don’t want to lose half my subscribers. So I didn’t mention the bombers game did I!!!

Guru in clover
They tell me and I hope I’m not jumping the gun here, but “The Gurus” (Norm & Margie Duxson) are happy at the news that #2 daughter Tanya is expecting. This news comes on the back of #1 daughter Pauline having given birth to another “rug rat”. No wonder the guru has a case of shrinking jacket disease!!!

Facebook worry
I have this message on my facebook site that a local native lady was asking another male native (both my facebook friends) “how did you pull up this morning”. That can conjure any kind of innuendo but let me tell you it is all above board.

WA trip
I haven’t heard any news from the group of no tillers who are on the Junket in WA with NewAg CEO Andrew “Clown” Newall. But don’t despair folks it is odds on for some headlines next week.

Tug of war anchor
I won’t mention any names because yours truly is no shrinking violet but I have it on good authority that a few natives had a weight off last weekend at some shearing shed scales whilst on a crop inspection. I’m told they were weighing themselves for the right to anchor the local tug-a-war team. The favourite weighed in at a healthy 130kg and will be lining up soon as team captain and anchor.

He can jump
Former Callawadda Primary School star pupil Sandy “The know all” McGregor was in the winner’s circle again with champion jumper Some are Bent. I’m told that The know all took his celebrations to a new level after the win in what we believe will only be a warm up compared with the trip to Japan early next year. The race is worth a cool million smackers and if they win that the Asahi (Japanese beer) will flow like the muddy once did!!

That’s all folks

Welcome again
Welcome to another week of the SLF. Well it has been a rather moist 10 or so days with the season starting to take some real shape with some good accumulative totals over that period of time. We are starting to enter the business end of the season and rainfall in the next coming months will determine a make or break season for native farmers. Let’s hope its “make”.

In top form
Local comedian and part time farmer Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson has been in top form with the stick taking out 3 consecutive four ball events at Glenorchy (Ally), Wallaloo (Royal) and Rupanyup (no name yet). He also took out the A Grade scratch at Landsborough in a three way play off under trying circumstances.

The new Ken Heslop
I’m told that Smacka is the new Ken Heslop after he was quoted in the Stawell Times News on the rainfall of the last couple of weeks and the season’s prospect on his property at Norchy. He is probably only “warming to the task” but he has a long way to go to catch up to Heslop who for many years topped the rainfall charts in the Stawell Shire.

Back home
Smacka attended the party at J Ward in Ararat over the weekend. Some would say that if it was still open he may have been a graduate!!!

Hide the Tim Tams
I was told that a local went to Norm “Guru” Duxson’s place for a cup of tea and a chat. Guru Margie made the tea and bought out the Tim Tams, as you do. It was then that The Guru and number one son Herbie asked Guru Margie where she had been hiding them, “in with the carrots, because I knew you wouldn’t be looking there for something to eat” she said. Smart lady is Guru Margie.

Pest can’t pester anyone
Leading Marnoo West grazier Mark “Pest” Raggatt is a little down in the dumps at the moment as he has a very restrictive brace on his injured leg at the moment. They are currently shearing at Raggattville and the pest has rendered himself “useless”.

Enjoying the storyline
Talking to Raggatt the other day in the corner shop and he told me he is enjoying the ongoing story about his great mate “The Guru” and his shrinking jacket. For some reason Tim Tams and shrinking Jackets go hand in hand.

Jack at his best
I was talking to former Marnoo fast bowler John “Jack” Cameron the other day and we got onto one of his favourite subjects, politics, I asked him “where has Peter Garratt been in this climate debate” as to which Jack quickly replied “nowhere because he only comes out at midnight”.

Another on the way
News has just filtered in that leading Rostron cropper Rueben “Rostron” Cheesman and his lovely wife Katrina are expecting their second. I’m guessing he would be one very happy camper at the moment.

The Goodies
Remember The Goodies on the ABC, well don’t be surprised if you see that famous three person bike floating around local circles from August onwards. I’m told a couple of local comedians have purchased one and intend to entertain the masses with their antics.

Good excuse
Cropping guru Andrew “Clown” Newall has organised a trip to WA for some of his no till clients. These types of junkets are well known as “a good excuse for a piss up for the boys” and I have no doubt that this one won’t be any different.

That’s all for now.

Welcome again
Another week has just flown by and with last week being a wet one it’s certainly put a smile on the faces of all natives alike.

Big week in Yarra
I headed around to my old mate Dwain “Daryl” Duxson’s place last week and who do I spot Bern “Southern Comfort” Johnson and Belinda “Champagne” Reading, these two along with their rug rats where spending a couple of days with the lovely Paula. They did relay a few stories (no mother in law jokes of course) to me but I made a promise that they wouldn’t go to print. I can tell you though, that I’m miffed as to where they take time for a mouthful of grog, because there was certainly plenty of chatter.

Young upstarts
Young Cooper “Young Phil” Reading and Angus “Ramsay” Johnson provided plenty of entertainment according to Paula, if they weren’t belting each other up they where combining to reek verbal havoc on the young ladies that were in the household.

Out Voss, In Fruity
I’m told that John “Fruity” Nisbet was at the Gold Coast on the weekend, I’m just wondering if he is moving from his beloved Bulldogs and taking on a role at the new Gold Coast Team!!!!

Jack’s back
SLF favourite son John “Jack” Cameron and his lovely wife “Fayzee” where up this way last week, however I didn’t catch up with them due to my busy journalistic schedule (not). I’m sure that a little bowling ball shaped, gold chain wearing taxi driver from Corowa made the effort to catch up with the king of one liners.

Facebook
Once you enter the world of Facebook you certainly become a popular unit, people pop up from everywhere. Now don’t be offended but I am picky as to who I let on as friends but it’s one interesting game. I’m told that it can be quite addictive after local funnyman Stewart “Goalkeeper” MacPherson was spending up to three hours a day on the social networking site. I’m told he has now cut down to about an hour, I bet his mother would be keen for him to reduce a few of his other addictions to the same extent!!!

That’s all for this week

Welcome to another week
Another week has just flown by and the party at Murray’s bar is all but a distant memory. But time flies and doesn’t stop for anyone so I’d better get on with it.

The Royals the place to be
Without doubt the action last week focussed on the Royal. Tournament week is always a big one and last week was no exception. However the days are gone where they used to tap up 9 gallon barrels and blokes where known to turn up for the ladies events just to test out the lines. Those things don’t happen anymore but it’s still a big week, following is some of the things that happened.

Beat that
The first men’s event is the fourball and this year it attracted an almost full field of 39 pairs. Honours for the day went to local consumers Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson and Ben “Glendemar” Duxson who won the event hands down with 53 points, with Ben highlighting the day with an eagle on hole number 1. I’m sure they celebrated in true Royal spirit.

Celebrated
I’m told that the Royal resembled Wembley Stadium about midnight on Saturday when the soccer ball came out. One such Wal Wal individual John “Red Beard” Kingston was seen celebrating his first goal of the evening with the shirt over the head trick. I think it’s time for security cameras in that joint, you could make a fortune on you tube.

Be My, Be Quiet
Marnoo West Rat Pack member and founding president John “Be My” Guest fell about 10 seconds short of having tomatoes piffed at him after his long winded speech at the Royal on Saturday night. I’m told that he was in fine form and enjoying himself immensely. As you do at Wallaloo.

If he was a racehorse then he would be banned
I’m confused did the drink actually help him or hinder him, I’m talking about “Be My” who registered a 53 and a 38 for each 9. However I’m not sure whether the bad round was in the first 9 or the last. If he was a racehorse he would be banned.

Me and Dad
Wallaloo East living legend Norman “The Guru” Duxson made his way to the stage to accept his trophy for a B Grade best 9 and guess who followed him for the next trophy, yes you guessed it, number one son “Herbie”. It was in that particular order that they left the Royal on Saturday night but the time gap was several hours!!

Points, all important
Tournaments have been known to put the strain on marriages as the blokes head off for the mixed day on the Sunday. Those blokes who have a golfing wife usually team up with them on the Sunday which is always a points winner but for those without a golfing wife it’s like double points (deducted of course) if you play on the Sunday. And then if you are single like Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson (at least that is what he is telling us} you can do what you like and playing 3 days in a row is like water to a ducks back. After winning trophies on day 1 and 2, I will be interested to see if he kept up the form up on the last day.

Rain please
At the time of writing the forecast was for rain a plenty of it. I used to like the old days when the first you heard of rain was when it built up in the West and within a few hours it was raining. Nowadays we get these internet sites that track our rainfall ten day in advance. So the excitement builds and you can’t wait for the big event. Farmers have then been known to fall into deep depression when that almighty forecast doesn’t arrive.

14 cents
I’m told that in 1974 petrol prices were 14 cents per litre, which is a long distant memory.

Tailored to fit
Hot off the press from one of my intrepid spies came the news that “The Guru” has been buying his pants through Don “Fergie” Murphy’s distributor. Now I heard of people going to Melbourne to get fitted out and I’ve even heard of people going to Hong Kong for the same reason, but Don Murphy I’m not sure about that! It also confirms the little story we wrote about Guru a few weeks ago where he was saying his suit jacket had shrunk. The picture is becoming clearer.

That’s all folks

Live from Murray’s bar at the Vic Hotel

Welcome again
Another week has just flown by and yes I have taken up residence at the Vic Hotel, let me tell you with the price of Hotel rooms it’s only a short term stay. There was a bit of action over the last week, so here we go.

Murray’s Bar
We have named the bar at the Vic, Murray’s Bar after famous Callawadda resident Murray “MGM” McGregor who uses it as his Melbourne base from time to time. It’s a famous bar and was once considered the bar where rural folk gather, somewhere where you didn’t look out of place in the Moleskins and tweed.

A gathering of sorts
A group of natives and former natives gathered at 11:30 thinking that Murray’s bar would be open, they soon found out it wasn’t when former native John “Fruity” Nisbet belted his nose on the door thinking it would fly open.

Big day out
The new Mayor Gary “Larry” Cameron, leading truckie Bruce “Boofhead” Hendy, Fruity, Armand “Herbie” Duxson, his lovely girlfriend Marcie, her sister, local funnyman Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson, Dwain “Daryl” Duxson and myself all attended the Carlton vs Richmond game at the MCG. It was a battle of wits as Larry and Boof following Carlton and Daryl, Herbie and myself following the Tigers. There was plenty of niggle all day and unfortunately for us Carlton took the honours.

Richo Richo man
My man Richo man had a fairly dirty day at the office but one bit of what we call “Richo magic” was worth entry fee alone. After chasing the ball along the boundary line and in hot pursuit from a Carlton opponent and another coming towards him, the big fella decided to do a reverse dribble toward goal. Sensational and bought the sea of Yellow and Black to their feet.

Young Nisbet
Fruity was in top form and was reasonably vocal event though the Bulldog where 3000km away in Darwin. He was however claiming his young cousin Trent “Young Nisbet” Cotchin who once again put in a blinding game. Its obvious now that he is by far the best Nisbet I have seen and by a long way.

After footy drinks
Once Larry had finished singing the Carlton song it was then back to Murray’s bar where we were joined by more natives and former natives. Hayden “How Hard” McLennan along with Joy “Jump for” Nisbet, Paula “Nearly 40” Duxson, Raleigh “ Nearly 9” Duxson, Peter “Punter” Jenkins and Carmel “Be quiet John” Jenkins joined in the festivities. I’m told that the younger members of the crew drew stumps early the next morning.

That would make a dad proud
Now this is a beauty and I guess you have to know these two blokes to really get the belly laugh it deserves. Father and son due Wally and Terry Brear are a couple of local characters up this way and it all happened last summer when Wally took his grandson Buzz to a one dayer at the MCG. Buzz and Wally where leaving the MCG and heading through the back streets of East Melbourne when young Buzz spotted uncle Terry, “Pop isn’t that Terry at the roundabout”, “Your right Buzz” Wally said. Now Terry also happened to also be in Melbourne and was representing the Yarrawonga and district cricket Association at country week. Now it’s a tradition to get on the sauce on the way down and apparently the boys didn’t disappoint. Well this time Terry well and truly over catered (he has been known to do that once or twice) and had his thumb out looking for a lift. The situation is that Wally is a pretty casual bloke, so he helped Terry (who was absolutely loaded and half asleep) into his cruiser and headed toward the team hotel. Well then Terry piped up from his power nap and said “where yu headed mate” Wally laughing under his breath said “Yarrawonga”, Terry then piped in and said “Yer mate I’m from Yarrawonga as well”. It wasn’t until later in the week that Wally relayed the story to Terry that he didn’t even know his own father. On the way young Buzz said “Gee pop Terry was drunk”

Golfing Guru
I’m told that young Callawadda native Sam “Slammin” Reading has and eagle twice on the par 5 at Glenorchy (Commonly known as Ally McBeal to some). Now you wouldn’t see that to often.

That will do

Welcome
Welcome to another week of the SLF. If last week was a big news week then this week is the opposite, let’s see how we go.

Sizzling golf
I’m told that there was some red hot golf played at the Royal over the weekend in the second round of the championships. Players must have shrugged off the hangovers from Legacy Day as many scores just above par were recorded, it all augers well for a gripping end to the championships.

Carlton supporter take stock
After talking finals the week before Carlton and their supporters came back to earth with a thud after going down to the less fancied Essendon. Local Carlton men Gary “Larry” Cameron and Bruce “Boofhead” Hendy will be hoping they bounce back against my team Richmond this Saturday.

Goff and Joyce
It was good to see Goff and Joyce Letts out at Legacy day the other weekend. If I remember correctly the first ever story in the SLF was about Goff when he crashed the golf cart at Warracknabeal all those years ago.

Pest on the mend
I’m told that hop-along-Cassidy Mark “Pest from the West” Raggatt has ditched the crutches and is back to some form of normality.

No Mechanic in town
It has also come to my attention that Brian “What zat” Adams has moved on to Hamilton. That is not good as it leaves the district without a mechanic, perhaps we will have to recruit one of those Rupanyup mechanics which seem to be in oversupply.

The lake is going dry
Up here in sunny Yarrawonga something strange is happening, Lake Mulwala is rapidly going dry, many dead stumps and logs are starting to appear and all boating has all but stopped. Apparently they are draining it to kill the weed that has developed over the last couple of years and then they intend to refill it. Refill it with what I ask

Rainfall down
My figures are telling me that we have only had around 115mm for the year around the Marnoo district whilst at the same time Stawell has had just over 200mm. The Marnoo figure would have to be about half that of this time last year and my calculations are telling me that it has to get mighty wet if we are going to get annual rainfall for the year.

That’s all for this week.

A big week
I was around all of last week and boy does it all happen around here. Here’s just a snippet of what happened.

Legacy Day Huge
Legacy day at the Royal was huge this year with a full field of 84 players graced the greenery. I can’t even remember who won.

Gold, Silver and Bronze
John “Be My” Guest was Buddy Franklin like form and took the Golden Belt for the evening. He was however closely followed by his Bundy drinking mate Bruce “Boof” Hendy. You could have thrown a blanket over the candidates for bronze but we have awarded it to Stawell resident Alan “Bond” Jamieson.

Overnight stay
Alan “Bond” Jamieson who was introduced to Legacy Day by in house comedian Stewart “Smacka” Macpherson had a novel idea in bringing his caravan to stay in. I believe it is a first but I have heard of others staying the night in the clubhouse. One Marnoo West resident used to fancy the odd overnight stay under one of the clubhouse tables.

IOU
Big Armand “Herbie” Duxson must have had a big weekend the weekend before as his IOU bill left in the fridge at the Royal was $54.

The late Peter Knights
Members of the Peter “Numbers” Knights team where left to hit off last as he made his usual late arrival. He makes up for it thought by leaving late at night.

Take me home
Living legend Norm “Guru” Duxson over catered after a big round with Chris “Entanglement” Webb, so much so that he saddled up beside “Guru Margie” and said “Can you take me home”

The case of the missing chicken
Chicken was on the menu for the stayers, it was funny all these chickens done up in foil and marinated in some exotic Ramsay type dressing suddenly appeared, they where then put on the fire and cooked to perfection by the in house chefs. I’m told there is a little bit of controversy surrounding a couple of these chickens, all I know is that they tasted pretty good.

A long week
Quote of the week has to go to farming philosopher Jock “ Irons” McGregor, he said “It’s been a long week in farming” referring to, how things looked pretty grim at the start of the week and how they changed by the end with a bit of rain.

No Spring
If you spend enough time with John “Jack” Cameron you can usually get some fresh quotes and this week he didn’t let us down. A group of farmers where talking about the importance of getting a good spring this year. Jack piped up and said “the only spring I’ve had in the last five years is the one coming up through the seat of the ute”

Not me
A fellow farmer was quizzing “Entanglement” about the sowing misses in the Thunderdome paddock just North of Marnoo, “Wasn’t me, the boss did that” was Entanglement quick reply.

That’s my car
Herbies better half Marcia “VB” McIntyre was sitting in Lygon St enjoying a coffee with some friends when she noticed her car driving past. Yes some thief thought he might take it for a spin.

A mighty feat
Young gun shearer Jimmy “Handpiece” Anderson did 210 mature ewes the other day at Glendemar and they knocked off 15 minutes early. Fellow gun shearer Pete “Downtube” Newall said “taught him all he knows”

Blokes a rabbit
It was good to see former native Andy “Blokes a rabbit” Healy in the boozer on Friday night. He did tell the group of onlookers that ( you have to think how Andy talks when reading this quote) “this bloody heart attack business not good, Doctor told me fruit, bloody veges and plenty of bloody walking, bloke looks like a dickhead on the treadmill thingo, lucky he didn’t mention the grog”. It was vintage stuff.

Mayor roles change
Its official Gary “Larry” Cameron is the new mayor, the baton has been handed over by Ex Mayor Derek “Mayor” Cameron, however the ex mayor will always be known as “The Mayor”. Now I’m confused.

Yes another week flies by
Welcome one and all to another week of the SLF, not a big week for news but we will see what we can dig up.

We can only hope
At the time of writing the forecast was for two decent fronts to grace our presence, so by the time this wonderful publication goes to print I expect lots of puddles on the roads. I have to say that I opened my big gob last week tipping 2 inches of rain to a less enthusiastic Yarrawonga grazier. I did quote I would help him crutch his sheep if it didn’t happen, or so I was told, it was late and I had had my share for that day. Things you do (or say).

Very quiet
I had a call from Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson the other day and sadly he has nothing to report, nothing of any consequence only that he has finished all his sowing and his new auto steer worked to perfection. So much so that he managed to get all the papers read whilst he was sowing his oats.

Fuel up
With fuel prices set to go to $1.70/$1.80 mark it really is starting to hit the hip pocket. We may have to seriously look at ways to reduce our thirst for fuel. Farmers are of course one of the most vulnerable and spare a thought for the old grey nomad pulling the Jayco.

Ride the bike
I was in Melbourne the other day and noticed a lot more bikes and scooters being ridden, people are obviously doing this in the wake of higher fuel prices but what can we do on the farm to reduce our exposure. Some of things that have being suggested are: Riding the motorbike, Riding the pushbike, carpooling to town, buying Auto steer for the tractor, converting to gas etc etc. Doesn’t sound like much fun to me!

Rich or beautiful
The late Bruce Maconachie used to say “I wish I was born rich instead of beautiful” well those 4 blokes certainly handed in their beauty for a 4 way share in 58 million. Now what would you do with 58 million?

A legacy
Legacy day at Wallaloo is now an institution and the expectations are high again this year. I am looking forward to the event myself as it provides plenty of fodder for next weeks column. So I am warning everyone to not behave themselves as I will have note pad an pen poised from the time I drive into the gate.

The fire
It’s all about fun and it doesn’t get any better than hanging around a fire, drinking a couple of frothies and talking to the other unfortunates who have just completed the 18 hole walk. Make sure you come along it’s a great day (and night) out.

Until next week

Another week
Another week just flies by. How quickly does it happen? Either I’m getting older or having plenty of fun. What do you guys recon?

Back to the old way
With fuel prices going though the roof and everyday cost following the same track are we going to have to change the way we live? We will have to go back to a more simple life without all the bells and whistles. It is certainly the message that I am hearing on the street.

The service station
Is the Marnoo pub the new fuel station? Well according to Greg Newall it is, apparently he tried to extract some cash from the hotels ATM using his fuel card and guess what it didn’t work!!!!

Not long now
One of the highlight events on the golfing calendar, Legacy day is about to dawn upon us. There are plenty of stories to come out of the event over the years but this little one might jog a few memories. Local fruiterer John “Noisy” Nesbit was a bit worried at the clean up the next morning that he may of dropped the F word in front of the ladies a couple of time ( It was more than a couple let me tell you) and that if the SLF was around then, he would be headlines. Rod “3/8 Rod” Reading alleviated all his fears when he told him that Dwain “Daryl” Duxson had ditched his ute into the creek only 400 metres outside the golf club gateway.

Where he belongs
I see where former Bulldog Chris Grant kicked a few goals for Daylesford on the weekend, I always thought that was about his level!!!

Gassed
The Royals GAS team didn’t come out on top last weekend at Moor Park, it was won again by Murtoa. Ben “Glendemar” Duxson took out the B Grade individual prized with an impressive 63 net. They tell me the bloke who had his card chucked out duly shouted (a long held tradition) all Royal participants.

That’s all from me.

Grain growers busy
The grain growers in the district would be busy after the very timely rain event last weekend. All we need now is some genuine follow up. Most of Vic and SA had good rains but NSW missed out. I’m told that there is a bit of negativity from a few of the long range experts about in season rain for this season at least. Let’s hope they are wrong.

Footy trip
I managed to go to the footy at the MCG again this weekend, this time it was Essendon and Richmond. The crew this time consisted of former natives Andrew “Clown” Newall, his lovely wife Sue, David “Towser” Newall, John “Fruity” Nisbet and my Yarrawonga mate Dwain “Daryl” Duxson. It was an entertaining evening and that was enhanced when another former native Hayden “Howard” McLennan arrived for the “after party”.

No changes
After spending some time on the Gold Coast Howard has made the move back to Victoria and will call Melbourne home. Well I have to say in all that time he was away he hasn’t changed one bit. He is still up to plenty of mischief and muddling things up!!!!!

Entanglement turn 50
I’m told that Chris “Entanglement” Webb turned 50, apparently the local consumer enjoyed a couple of quiet ones over the weekend. That’s certainly been 50 entertaining years.

Funny story
I heard a very funny story over the weekend but it was just too rude to tell. Sorry about that, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it.

The Royal
I haven’t had too many reports coming from the Royal but I have heard that the course is starting to look really good and with the famous legacy day coming up (June 14) club leaders are smiling.

Shiiiidddt
I spoke to entertainer Andy “Shiiiiddddt” Healy over the weekend and he hasn’t lost any of his funny traits even though he has been quite crook lately. He spent a few days in the Geelong hospital after a turn but has recovered OK. “A blokes a bloody rabbit” he said.

Story
I was just wondering if John “Jack” Cameron has started writing his story yet. Best seller I recon.

That’s all folks

Boy was that nice
Every local farmers dream was met over the weekend with some very timely rain. Crops and pastures will get a huge boost, I’d say it’s worth drinking too. Cheers.

Going going gone
It’s every pig farmers nightmare. Yes Marnoo West oinker Gary “Bacon” Baker took a tumble into the sludge pit, I’m told he took a very long bath that day.

Pest A Side
The pest from the West Mark “Pest” Raggatt has taken a tumble and injured his leg, details are scratchy but I’m told he’s on the injured list for some time. There must be something going on out West with young Tom “Wally” Walter also sustaining an injury. Walter was injured playing footy but I haven’t heard about the injury to Raggatt, we can only imagine what happened.

Signs
Someone from Glendemar has been out an about littering the country side with MPM signs, when I asked my fellow Yarrawonga resident and Glendemar director Dwain “Daryl” Duxson, he offered a politician type reply. He said “I know nothing”

The Major hits the Wall
St Arnaud Landmark guru agent Damian “Major” Drum hit his lovely girlfriend Melissa Wall with the ultimate question last weekend and guess what, she said yes. The pending marriage will be Majors first.

Young Nisbet
I attended the MCG to watch my favourite Mathew “Richo” Richardson play against Geelong on Saturday and he didn’t disappoint, but alas, the Cats showed their class with an easy win. I attended with former Marnoo shopkeeper John “Fruity” Nisbet and he had a special interest in a Richmond newcomer. Trent “young Nisbet” Cotchin is a cousin to the Nisbet clan and had a ripper first game kicking 2 goals and one with his very first kick. He certainly moves a bit better than any Nisbet I’ve seen.

How yu going Maaaaate
I was passing through Corowa today when I thought I would head on round to the taxi rank, well there he was in all his glory doing it tough reading the Herald Sun. Yes it was Graeme “Old Maaaaaate” McNolty. I managed a 3 minute conversation before a customer came along, we only briefly talked about his bid for the pub, of to which he replied “Where did that one come from”.

Lids pulls rabbit out of hat
SLF favourite Armand “lids” Duxson pulled a rabbit out of the hat at the Royal a couple of weekends ago, he fired an 86 off his 21 handicap to blitz the field. When questioned he said “I pulled that one out of my a&$#”

Mrs Hines x 2
Reading the Stawell rag the other day I came across a story and photo about the hard working Marlene “Marls” Hines who was presented a gift from Parents and Friends President Belinda Hines. One two many Hineses Mr reporter.

The story thus far
Speaking of Hineses, Marnoo East Grazier Ken “Author” Hines is writing his memoirs, I will be interesting to see what he has to say. I’m also wondering what the title is going to be. Reserve my copy please Hinesy.

Jack could do that
SLF favourite John “Jack” Cameron could also write a book, his would be comedy based with plenty of one liners. Some of the chapters could be: Why I love Paul Keating, The muddy runs again, Carting water and cutting burr, That’s my corner, You only need to swing it that far, There’s nothing wrong with wheel barrows, It always rains at Wallaloo. Now that would be a great read.


That’s all folks

Another week
Another week passes us by and now more than ever our farmers are looking skywards for the essential break. Let’s hope something happens this weekend as we defiantly need it.

Rumour rife
The rumour is that our old mate Graeme “Old Maaaaaaate” McNolty is looking to return to the district. My source might be on yippy beans but the rumour is he has put an offer in for the pub. I’m pretty sure its all news to current publican Leigh “Blue Can” Foster but it’s a funny game and you never know what’s going to happen next.

An ideal weekend in Marnoo
An ideal weekend in Marnoo is to go to the pub on a Friday night and have a few beers with the natives and catch up on the gossip. Then next morning it’s up and get the Saturday papers at the shop and then across the road to the cafe for coffee and the big breakfast (highly recommended as a hangover cure). After reading all the papers then it’s off to the Royal for a round and a few more beers on the boards under the brand new outdoor entertainment area. After all that I’m sure most would be reined in for Sunday with the family. Jeez those women have all the fun.

Front and centre
You would think that Glendemar boss Ben “Glendemar” Duxson and his sidekick Dave “Harley” Smith were seeking out media attention. Last week they featuring on several pages in the Stock and Land and this follows another story several weeks before. I’m told that after the late afternoon photo shoot leading National Rural Press journo Marius Cumming enjoyed several stubbies and didn’t get back to his Dunkeld abode until quite late.

Downsized
Wallaloo East land baron Norm “Guru” Duxson was complaining that his suit jacket had shrunk since the wedding of daughter number two, Tanya only a month or two ago. Well keen observers indicated to the Guru that it was more likely that something else had expanded.

Those were the days
Former Marnoo and Minyip superboot Derek “Buddy” Cameron was reminiscing when he slotted one through from the boundary line in front of a huge gathering at the MCG the other weekend. Experts around the fire bucket indicated that it probably wasn’t as good as the one he slotted on the left to win the 1987 premiership for Marnoo. That famous and well remembered kick has stretched out many metres over the years. It’s amazing what happens after a few beers.



Loitering on the corner with evil intent
Loiterers Rueben “Rostron” Cheeseman and Stewart “Smacka” MacPherson were debating over the price of Ayre Peninsular country whilst working for leading Machinery salesman Nigel “Winebar” Slee at the field days this year. Well then, low and behold along came a landholder for that area and confirmed that land sells for $4000 per acre over that way. As the South Australian moved on he asked the price of that roller they had in stock, “$40000” replied Rueben, “shit that’s expensive” said the Croweater as he tuned his back and headed to the next stand. Not finished yet Rueben yelled out “well sell 10 acres then……”

That’s all for this week.

Tribute
Hello and welcome to another week of the SLF, this edition is tainted with stories of the late but great Ged “Father” Ryan, Father who was a famous local and a great friend to many in the district, especially the MCC. You need characters in small communities like the Marnoo and district, luckily for us there a quite a few in this area and we’re even seeing a few emerge. Characters are people who do things in their own unique way and aren’t scared of political correctness or people talking about them. Father was a character and sometimes rubbed a few up the wrong way, but he had a huge heart and was a proud Marnooian.

Big Crowd
Many Marnoo and district people attended the funeral at Dimboola and a huge crowd was in attendance, I was talking to one bloke and he said “I bet you the crowd’s bigger than what there are going to get at the Melbourne Freo game. Just on the statistics alone there wasn’t much difference.

Back to the MCG
It was also heartening to see so many people in attendance at the MCG. The fire buckets where lit, the fridges where stocked and the BBQ was fired up in what was a traditional Marnoo gathering. So many times during the winter back when the footy team was going this scenario was spelt out every Tuesday and Thursday night.

Stubbie Club
I’m pretty sure it was Ged who initiated the stubby club, it was well before they started selling grog at the MCG and the lads down in the forward pocket at the creek end used to get quite vocal by the last quarter in the seniors.

Greatest ever wicket keeper?
You can argue the point, but Father would be right up there as Marnoo’s greatest ever wicket keepers. He hardly ever dropped a catch and he prided himself on the lack of byes. If a bye was conceded then you new not to speak to him for at least 10 overs. He used to love Gary “Larry” Cameron’s inswinging curlers, when one took off down the leg side (some say many did) and Father couldn’t reach it and the umpire just happened to stretch his arms out, then you could guarantee a huge stare from the bloke with the gloves on. One stare was for the umpire and the other was for the bowler.

Sloppy fielding
Marnoo’s fielding back in those days wasn’t of great standard and a lot of return balls missed the mark. This used to make Father irate and when it got late in the day and close to beer-o-clock and the throwing was even more wayward, it wasn’t surprising to see the gloves get thrown on the ground and the words “F*%# this” splurt from his mouth.

Over the stumps
No wonder he was such good mates with John “Noisy” Nisbet, Noisy the fine leg specialist had the knack of landing the ball straight over the stumps time after time. I can still hear Ged yelling in a sarcastic tone “Good one Johnny, that’s how you F*&#in do it fellas”

The Batsman
Ged could concentrate for ages behind the stumps but couldn’t quite do the same at the batting crease, don’t get me wrong he was a very solid opener for Marnoo and got us of to a flying start many a time. He had a very good technique and could play all the shots. He had some very famous opening partners over the years, him and Mick “I said to Mick” Healy used to kid themselves all night that they were the greatest ever opening partnership for Marnoo. Then Rohan “Big Bird” Aitken came along and Ged loved (not) batting with him, It can be said that Rohan wasn’t the best runner between the wickets and he ran the delighted Gerard out on a couple of occasion. I think the captain of the time split up the partnership to save the relationship. Then there was Ewan “E” Lett’s who had an equally turbulent opening partnership with Father. It was all good fun though and provided plenty of fodder for the after game festivities.

Washout
Cricketers loved a washout. A washout is where you know that morning that it’s going to rain, you don the whites and tell the wife that “I have to be there just incase the sun comes out” fully knowing that you hardly ever go back on. How to fill in the rest of the afternoon is the hardest question. Ged loved a washout.

Greatest ever game player
Now this is no mean feat but I have it on unofficial authority that Ged may have been Marnoo Football Clubs greatest ever game player.

Coaching stint
Ged had a stint coaching the seconds and one such day one of his players Alfie Hudson must have tried to dodge around one too many opposition players. He incurred the quarter time grilling from the coach who said in a rather loud voice “Who the f#*& you think you are Alfie Kevin F*&%in Bartlett”.

Lookout
I think there are only four white posts between the pub and Ged’s backyard but on night he managed to take out three of them!!!

So you don’t like Collingwood
On one of the footy trips Ged and all the lads went to watch Melbourne and Collingwood, everyone paid the $23 to get in but when Ged heard the Collingwood supporters bellowing, he immediately said “I can’t put up with these Pricks” and walked out.

Bernie and Leon
I caught up with his mum and dad at the funeral and they don’t look a day different to when they left Marnoo, I don’t know how long it has been but it was good to catch up with them. They were very proud of Ged. The world has lost one of it’s likable characters. RIP Father.

The Square Leg Files by Square Leg

Rain coming
I’m nervous, the 10 day forecast is saying rain this weekend (at the time of writing), wouldn’t it be great to get a good solid late April break. I just hope those weather forecasters from America (yes I’m pretty sure they operate from USA) are right.

Three not free!!!!
Local comedian John “Jack” Cameron is back in Buddy Franklin like form as I met up with him at the local establishment last week. He was telling me that an Indian telly marketer rang him the other day offering him a free phone. The call went something like this … (Indian telly marketer) Good evening Mr Cameron how are you. (Jack) No bad. (ITM) This is good Mr Cameron I am wery wery good too, now Mr Cameron I am here to offer you free phone if you sign up with our company. (J) I already have four. (ITM) No no Mr Cameron you do not understand I am offering you free phone. (J) Why would I want three phones when I already have four. (ITM) Oh Mr Cameron you must understand I am offering you free phone. (J) Sorry mate it’s not your lucky night. (ITM) But Mr Cameron…….Buzzzzzzzz

Good one Daryl
My Yarrawonga mate Dwain “Daryl” Duxson was telling me his company has just launched a new website. He tells me it’s a site where you can list your land or sheep for sale or if your interested in buying you can also register your interest. Have a look, go to www.ausfarmmanagement.com.au .

Popular
That Gordon Ramsay is very popular, everytime you turn on the box he is on dropping the F word. Apparently the popularity of the show (and the swearing) has urged channel nine to go in search of more shows where celebrities swear a lot. I have an idea and it will feature Marnoo’s equivalent of Ramsay, Lyle “Chopper” Johnson. The show could be called “Chopper in the sheep yards”. I recon there would be plenty of chopping and it would certainly rate its socks off!!!

Gutted
My Tigers coughed up a win against the Bullies last weekend. I was all ready to send my mate and Bulldogs fanatic John “Fruity” Nisbet a text when they were up by 19 points at the 19 minute mark, but I held off. I happened to be speaking to the big fella later that evening and he said a couple of Tigers supporter actually did what I was thinking of doing. One was WA resident Nicky “Burger” Healy whom I’m guessing scoffed on his pot of Swan Lager when it was declared a draw.




Speaking of Nisbets
I’m told Tim “Pie Guts” Nisbet is the loudest and most vocal support down there at Doggie land, he goes every week and apparent he leaves his old man (who wasn’t called Noisy for no reason) for dead.

Expanding
Gun shearer Pete “Handpiece” Newall has upgraded all his sowing gear, he bought a new second bar form WA, a tractor from the Mallee, a box from somewhere else etc etc. He tells me he want’s to put in his 800 acres in three day. He recons that whilst he is driving the tractor he feels he should be doing something else, so he went and did something about it. He must be getting restless in his later years.

Photos
Whilst I was back in the district last week I managed to secure a copy of all the Marnoo FC and Netball club disk of photos. It makes excellent viewing and you don’t realise how tight those shorts were back then. One particular photo made me laugh as it features Premiership President and local legend “Rex “Old Timer” Hendy talking to Premiership coach and porn star look-a-like John “Duck and weave” Drum. I can just imagine the conversation, it probably went like this: (Duck and weave) Rex I’m taking the team down to the school house for a motivational speech and video before the game. (Old Timer) Bloody Hell Drummy what are you doing that for. (D&W) Rex I don’t want the Navarre team to listen to this new game plan I have. (OT) That’s all right about you Drummy but we are just trying to win a game of football today not try and split the bloody atom. (D&W) Look our form has been patchy and I recon if we use more handball and run down the lines harder I recon we can get more consistent. (OT) Alright Drummy have it your way but make sure your blinken back in plenty of time.

On that note adios